[The Shabbat Edition 011]

Shabbat Shalom! My favorite day is here, thank goodness, these non-Friday-days are killing me!

A small synopsis

I’ve been on vacay, but now it’s beginning to hardly feel like it. I haven’t been allowed to borrow the car (nor do we have Uber or Lyft here) and everything that is reasonably good to do is more than 30 minutes away… I’m really upset about that, and because I haven’t been able to visit with any of my friends (minus one who lives in town–Momma–who actually came and picked me up), talked to another on the phone, and ran into a friend I used to work with at her current work. For everyone else: I haven’t been able to see anyone for a few years now. The whole point of a trip home is to see everyone and catch up.

The highlight of my trip: bleaching my hair, finding the books that I found as per mentioned in previous entry, and eating at the few restaurants we don’t have in FL.

Lessons Learned

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

Gossip is very bad. (NO NO NO, it was not me who participated in this. I hate gossip.)

Awkward is awkward for a reason.

Some things are meant to be. Everything happens for a reason.

I should take a real vacation… to somewhere educational and exciting next time.

Being absolutely smothered to death and controlled by manipulation is a really horrible thing, and I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.

Event/Special Moments

This is NOT a special moment, because it’s actually pretty horrible….our next door neighbor died on Wednesday….. So I will be attending a funeral before I go home.

I did get to see a few friends….my parents’ friends and older neighbors.

What am I looking forward to this week?

Getting home late Saturday. Sunday: work + auditions for SOA. Monday: work + meeting + audition day 2. Tuesday: work + film society meeting? Wednesday: work + final final Jewish class review. And… anything else that may happen.

I’m looking forward to making some changes that may surprise everyone. We’ll see. I need to make big, big, big changes.

Always,
Karen Maeby

[The Shabbat Edition 010]

Shabbat Shalom all! Happy Friday! Happy Weekend!

A small synopsis

Last weekend, I was just so exhausted that I did nothing what so ever. I had a few places and errands to run but I shut it all down. A good percentage of that was because my face wasn’t healed up. It was scabbed over, but by middle of the week, it looks like nothing happened. Thank G-d. Now I can wear make up again.

Monday we spent our writer’s group time talking to a (sort of) new member from our film society. We’ve been asked to help with an upcoming film production, so whoever is interested will be involved in that. We’re also thinking about working on more film as the group. This means I really need to revamp our entire mission statement because there are so many avenues we are going down. Our name (I haven’t announced this to anyone yet) will purposely cover everything and not be specific to writing. I’m glad I made that decision early on, otherwise we’d have issues.

I spent the rest of the week just getting stuff together at work for me to go on vacation. I don’t remember anything else.

Lessons Learned

Over the weekend, I started watching the crime docu-series via Hulu about Gypsy Rose Blanchard, and I watched some of the “making of” videos. I learned some new techniques having to do with colors with transition over episodes from light to dark and beside good vs evil and aging. That’s kind of a cool thing, I had never thought about that. Boy is theatre and film two different things. I guess I need to start paying attention to both if I’m going to write both…. Little signs or symbolism like placing their house in area where everyone could watch them and then them having absolutely no idea once the big news of what the mother did to Gypsy all those years. That was insane.

Patience: my flight on Thursday was delayed by an hour. I was already ready to leave so badly on Wednesday, that adding that extra hour nearly killed me. (I’m not a very patient person, if you didn’t already know.)

Event/Special Moments

So it’s kind of comforting sitting in my old room at my parents: lavender walls with dark purple and lime green curtains, purple flowery quilt, my Great Gatsby poster still on the wall, grandma’s sunset painting, my 2018 Rosh Hashanah drawing on the bulletin board. Not to mention turning out the lights last night to see several glow in the dark stars lighting up the room. I had forgotten about those. That was a happy little moment before bed last night.

It was good to get on a plane. I miss traveling. It didn’t even bother me when we went through some bumpy moments. It used to bother me so badly.

I started reading “Night” by Elie Wiesel while waiting at the airport, read on the plane, and finished last night. Wow. There’s going to be an entry dedicated to that, because there are things I learned that I didn’t know previously.

As soon as my parents picked me up from the airport, we went to our favorite sandwich shop close by the mall…and I DID get to go to the bookstore! Some magic happened there.

I went looking for some Jewish books, because that’s literally all I want to read these days. They have all religions mixed up which makes it so hard to find. However, by some sheer miracle I found two of Kushner’s books. I already had to read one of his books for my class, and one of the books I found were recommended readings (When Bad Things Happen to Good People). Checkmark.

Before I even went into the bookstore, after getting halfway through Wiesel’s book–I said to myself, “It would be cool to find the other two books of his that match this.” Guess what? I found Dawn & Twilight by him in the history section. I also bought The Pink Triangle. I can’t believe during my journey I’ve found three favorite authors: Leslea Newman, Elie Wiesel and Harold Kushner. I’ve always been a reader but I rarely favorited any authors besides the author of Nancy Drew, RL Stine of Goosebumps/Fear Street, and Sweet Valley High that I followed.

I’ve done so much reading already, and I’ve only been gone two days. Like I said, I want to talk more about Wiesel’s book in another entry. I’ve caught up with some of my Jewish magazines and there’s things there to discuss. Plus the emails I haven’t even read yet.

Last night mom and I went to the grocery and we were passing an aisle and she screamed, “THAT AISLE SAYS KOSHER! I really don’t know what that means, but it’s Kosher! Isn’t that your word?” Ha. So I bought some matzo so that I can eat it with my traditional “welcome-back” beer cheese. (It’s a KY and good part of my past thing.)

After finishing “Night” last night, my brain/heart/mind/soul was just… yeah. I happened to look left of where I was sitting and there was a word search book. I told mom “I’m going to do one of these puzzles.” When I opened it up I found where mom wrote down about what my aunt (her sister) said to my cousin when I told her about my Jewish journey. I can’t believe I found that. She wrote it down word for word. Mom’s like, “What’d you find?” and I barely got my words out.

My parents have been asking bits by bits about my new Jewish life. I think they’re getting used to it, now that they realize it’s a permanent thing with me changing my life to fit. Tonight we prayed before eating then my dad asked what the Jewish prayer was for that. Mom and I actually had a good conversation about beliefs and such, and so I got a chance to explain my side of things to her. I’m not sure they understand my choices for cutting out certain foods, but it’s for health, religion and cultural lifestyle.

We took my dad to exercise rehab today and someone we sat with (that knows my parents pretty well) asked about my decision to become Jewish. I told her the very short story, then mentioned I’ve been reading a lot more about the Holocaust lately, it’s calling me… I feel like need to be part of the future to help keep remembrance happening. My mom said to the lady that I had always had a connection with that, ever since reading Anne Frank….. Once again, I think that maybe that’s the sign that…I really…need…to..write..my…book!

After leaving there, we went to Gordmans (my favorite store here that we don’t have in FL) and I kept saying this trip I need new shoes…. I came to find two pairs of glittery sneakers: one slip on pair, another with shoe laces. One is pink/orange into gold color and the other is multi sparkle. I can’t believe I got lucky. Now I own 4 pairs of glitter shoes (and one of them lights up).

What am I looking forward to this week?

-More shopping! I haven’t been shopping in so long for clothes, shoes, etc.

-Soaking up a whole lot more vacay.

-Maybe going to the farm house. (hopefully)

-More reading, writing, sleeping.

-Eating at or visiting all the places I don’t have in FL.

-More clarity, signs, and such from G-d. (Feeling hopeful here.)

Love Always,
Karen Maeby

[*edit/poem*The Shabbat Edition 009]

(edit) Okay, so, I had to have a talk with myself: I am trying to be and do better in this life and me making stupid excuses for why I don’t stick with something that I create (like, for example, this format for Shabbat) should not be allowed…so here I am fixing my mistake and axing the excuses.

THANK GOODNESS IT’S FRIDAY….because the other days are killing me!

A Small Synopsis

Yesterday was Yom HaShoah and I didn’t get to go to the Holocaust Museum like I wanted, unfortunately. Last of month/first of month at work usually wrecks plans, because invoices have to be fine-tuned, finalized and sent out.

Also, something very bad happened to me yesterday. Somewhere between having to to go the post office for work and getting gas after work, I touched my face, and when I got home to look in the mirror….it was all kinds of red and burning. I don’t know if I got a chemical burn either from gas or something that might’ve been the packages. I cleaned it up with cold water then threw peroxide on there (ouch, insert f bombs) and aloe (more f bombs)…it really sucked because I had to be at a friend’s house five minutes later, and then to my Thursdays-in-May Jewish class. I was sitting through the class highly distracted wondering if anyone’s noticing my face. Ugh!

Lessons Learned

-Still counting the Omer with the daily lessons from Aish.com, even though I need to get my act together and transfer to paper.

-Literal: Even though I’m going to be missing the next two Thursdays, I started a class at TBE to learn about the denominations of Jewish life. One thing that bothers me is this new trend called “Just Jewish” that the Rabbi mentioned – oy. I am more conservative than I thought. Am I growing from very open-minded to close-minded? I sure hope not, but. From a future Jew, who has to do a lot of work to get there, it doesn’t set well with me for those who are Jewish to be “Just Jewish” — it feels more like slang. Or that’s how I personally see it. Or that’s how I read it when I’ve seen it.

-There’s this new thing on Instagram: it’s basically following a girl around from The Holocaust on Instagram stories. The jest of the whole thing is to share and keep The Holocaust going but to “appeal to” or “teach” the younger generation. Guess what I think about this? Nooooo thank you. Even though I am following it just to see what’s up, I kind of really find it extremely disrespectful. First of all, technology didn’t exist like that back then. Secondly, are you serious? Even if it did, they wouldn’t be allowed to use it! Everything was taken away! Why not use Instagram stories to tell a story of someone instead of how they’re doing it now as if the person was going through the Holocaust at the moment. Oy. Oy. Oy. Chutzpah!

-On another note: stop touching your face, girl. Wash your hands after packages and filling your car with gas and etc etc etc.

Events/Special Moments

-Shabbat last week I got to be an extra in a movie. That was fab. You can read (sort of) about my experience a few entries back.

-Wednesday was my last official “Intro to Judaism” class. All 18 chapters of the book…done. What’s next? Our review, then…..?

What am I looking forward to this week?

-I’m already mentally gone but I’m looking forward to a 10 day vacay….even though the deal was to take work with me (if I was going to be gone that long). So it’s kinda really not a vacay…..just a change of scenery. Plus the laundry list of emails, writing and studying I have to do. However, it’s the first Mother’s Day in about 10 years I’ll get to spend with my parents/mom, so there’s that! I’m going to try to remember to do a video with mom, or possibly both my parents…so this is something you’ll want to see…! I think I’ll post on my Facebook, so if you’re on my personal FB account, watch for it there. I might be able to do a LIVE video? I really still don’t know how all of that works. Times have changed. I haven’t kept up with it.

-This weekend: major catch up with as much as I can get done in 48-60-75 hours….however many hours I have!

-Soup Sunday + writing…and hopefully, that’ll be my permanent schedule for a while for both of those things. Until SOAs go to stage.

-Oh and when I come back: SOAs, then review class.

Shabbat Shalom!
Love Always,
Karen Maeby

G-d designed each body
with two souls, a lighted candle
ignites the glitter in the darkened skies at night
what a travesty it’d be
if she didn’t ever find me, hidden,
among the burnt out street lights deep in Paris
with poetry to write
on the tip of my tongue, for you,
I sing this song… and to you…
I locked my heart–burying the key–in the Heavens
years ago, when we locked eyes
and we made promises that we’d meet again
meet again… and soon… on this journey of life…
when I’d find my star, my light, my soul
and it lights up the night.

UPDATE: Shabbat Shalom y’all!

TGIF…or else I would die. I sure love my Fridays, especially when I’m doing something different. The movie shoot is today – the one I thought I would get to stage manage – no, not doing that. I’m actually going to be IN it! Whoa. About a two hour countdown….

I don’t have much to report or sum up from the week. I already wrote about how amazing the 1st Seder and how delicious the food was, the weekend I literally just slept, I didn’t have class on Wednesday due to the bbq going on, been cleaning (toss, sell, keep/pack), I have written a lot between stories and counting the Omer, read the book mentioned prior to this entry and still have a million feelings regarding that. 

Big news: There’s a new Mayor in Tampa and she is LGBTQ. We should really throw a party. Or two. Or three. Almost makes me want to move there. Almost. Except my life is in 97% in St Pete, so that would be crazy. For now though, I’ll be following her in her politics on Twitter. 

Anyway. That’s about it. I’m going to go and finish getting ready to be some sort of backstage extra star….I’m going to make sure the camera gets captures my best glittery moment. Ha. I’m really not that selfish. Bye. 

Happy Friday – Shabbat Shalom – I Love You! 

Love always, Karen Maeby 

Update: since I write non-related but sort of related Jewish based life things on Fridays… I must give an update about today. The shoot was from 10-7. I am tired. Been a good day full of everything happens for a reason. Had several discussions about things I’ve been pondering about life this week. I might have some answers tomorrow. One person said to me “you’re a writer???? I knew there was something special about you but I couldn’t quite place it.” He wanted to know more about me. Again with the intrigued word! We talked a bit then I mentioned about my Jewish journey and it came back around.

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! You meet people for a reason. You have experiences for a reason. Everything is a reason. And tomorrow I might find one of those reasons.

Here’s a b&w picture of me wearing a fabulous bright blue sequin jacket and red boa. The jacket found me. The glitter finds me anyhow. We had pizza for lunch and now it’s dinner, I am fetching tacos and preparing for tomorrow’s meeting. Please wish me all the luck in the world.

PS – no one told me it was #LesbianVisibilityDay even though I should’ve known. So happy, happy…to those out of the closet and those who aren’t…I hope you’ll find your bravery one day. You have a story pending inside you. Share it. It’s a beautiful one. You know it. So should the world. Inspire with rainbows. I know I do. Color. Glitter. Bring out your pet unicorn. Poetry ablaze.


Almost midnight thoughts after my first Passover Seder.

Forgive me G-d for I am breaking two distinct rules of Shabbat: writing and being on technology but there’s no way I’m going to remember this once I wake up because of my almost awful memory these days. And, wine. Much. Much. Wine. 

Wow. What a first Passover Seder. I don’t have any idea when it actually started nor ended. So I have that going for me. I got lost in time! Too busy making memories! And laughing for the first time in a while.

The food was so freaking delicious and there was so much foooooood. Soooo much fooooooood. I’m trying to sustain my weight here (a year or two after a major weight loss) and the food just kept coming out! My normal food schedule is eating a meal once a day! (Or very small things all day if I need to eat that way.) Oy vey. At one point, I told the guy who was handing out food “NO MORE!” and he’s like “Are youuuuu tapping out?! THERE ARE NO QUITTERS HERE!” Haaaah.  My entire table was laughing so hard. Yes. I had whine. Much wine. Bwahha. 

But anyway, on a more serious note. My 3rd family sure serves up some super duper delicious food. I can’t believe this entire time I’ve only had soup there (and turkey sandwich at the beginning)…but it’s my tradition to have *my* soup, conversation and do a little writing! But some traditions were made to be broken, right?! Well, Maeby. (But I did have the matzah ball soup and oh yummmy…..! That was so good and hit the spot just right that I wanted to cry. Yeah. Weird. Maybe wine?)

I have been craving pickles so badly and I got them! OH AND THAT EGG I WAS TALKING ABOUT? It didn’t come with glitter or colour, but I got it! I got my one egg. My entire month is made. I’m very satisfied. See? That didn’t take much to make me happy. Pickles and one egg. And soup! 

So, the wine. I am not much a wine drinker and by the end, I was toast. I ended up staying after and helping the helpers clean up. Met some amazing people that I didn’t know and had amazing conversations. Met the president, and he recognized me as a writer (which I’m not quite sure how people know this? Sometimes I’m happy being recognized then I get a little freaked out in another sense. It’s weird. I guess I just need to get used to it.) 

Overall, what did I think? 

What an awesome experience. I sat with my intro class. We told the story, sang a bit, ate and went back at it in the Haggadah. We all shared a lot of laughs, had great conversations and I can’t wait to do it all again next year. 

I even tried gefilte fish for the first time!!

This won’t be the last of my Passover blog entries, we’ve got an entire week left to talk about it. Oh and on the same topic….no bread all week. This’ll be interesting of what kind of menu I’ll be coming up with….Stay tuned. I might live off pickles for a while! 

Always, Karen Maeby 

PS – I might also have to sober up this post. 

Shabbat Shalom: Passover Edition

Shabbat Shalom, my loves. It’s my really late weekly (thankgoodnessitsfridayorelseiwouldgoabsolutelyinsaneandlosemymind) ‘I love you, Friday’ post…which is even more meaningful today because I will be attending my first ever Passover Seder tonight at CBI.

First things first, though. Since Hanukkah, Purim… and somewhere in between those holidays for Shabbat, I have found there are (themed) songs for everything on iTunes. I have a playlist of a few songs going for Passover: Passover Song (Parody of Beatles of Hey Jude) by Judy Tellerman, Passover Songs (Mashup) by Elliot Dvorin & Key Tov Orchestra, When You Believe by Maccabeats, A Lion King Passover by Six13, Pesach Shop by Six13 (3 generations of songs get passed through this five min song, it’s the best on my playlist) and then Go Down Moses by The Pacific Pops Orchestra. I also need to watch the Rugrats episode one more time before Passover is over.

The more I read into Passover, the more I am beginning to think my crazy mixed up feelings of being enslaved are legit for this season and maybe there isn’t too much wrong with me after all (maybe that part is pushing it, but still)… could this be the explanation for why I have felt this crazy every single year for as long as I can remember? Because after April I feel a release of something or another and free and I go about my year perfectly fine until Sept/Oct. (I had always hungered for the new year to start in Sept/Oct…and I found the reason why….Rosh Hashanah…makes perfect sense to me to have the new year start then, and made me happy to realize what a coincidence.) Thankfully my younger self kept a lot of my online journal entries (and some poetry) from the last 20 years or so and I seemed to have the same feelings/moods/entrapment from March – April. I think that at this point, I should write a guide of some sorts telling people they should really look into Judaism if they constantly feel the way that I do at this time of the year, especially those who do not have a religion and have not recognized themselves as Jewish souls yet. It just helps to have some sort of explanation, even if it’s not certifiable.

I don’t know how I happened on it, but I found this amazing website aish.com–it offers many, many things Jewish and it is yet another marvelous place to visit on the webby. The question of the day on their site: From what enslavement do you want to break free this Passover?

Not feeling like I can be myself. My ‘bossiness / getting things done’ self has been lost and devoured by negative vibes and the sadness I have consumed within my heart/soul. Doing the same things every day, and not what I want or love. The wall that goes up when I’m hurt. Not feeling like I can reach out to someone that I love very, very much. Shutting off the world due to my imperfections. Writer’s block. Or better yet, thoughts pertaining to ‘am I even a good writer?’ and ‘should I continue writing?’ If not writing, what the hell am I supposed to do with my life? Then, it gets to be a zillion of questions that lead to Alice in Wonderland finding herself staring at a world upside down with funny people and the like. So yeah. Maybe this week I should privately write down my enslavement issues/feelings and see what solutions I can take charge of, and turn things back around for myself….personal freedom. Maybe that’s the answer, and the question is “Passover?”

Ever since I was a teen, I had always been about life lessons, and I love the fact that almost everything Judaism is life lesson-ish….because I realize and learn things even as I’m trying to write out some of these blog entries. Things make a little bit more sense than before….especially this Passover. In another thought, I can’t believe I still have May – Sept/Oct to really say it’s my “first” of the holidays as a semi-practicing-future-Jew. When we come around to Sukkot, I’ve celebrated almost everything for the first time… and I can’t wait to celebrate every year for the rest of my life… doing something different every year (hopefully, unless I just enjoy it so much to do it again and again). It’s exhilarating.

There’s a really good article on Jewish Journal that talks about personal freedom. It’s worth three reads, especially if you’re feeling somewhat like I am right now.

Apparently I missed out on backing an LGBTQ writer on his Haggadah posted on KickStarter a while back (it ended). I bet his booklet contains glitter. There was a mention of a disco ball. *_*

What it is with me and glitter???!!!

Anyway. There’s a lot of info in my email about Passover and comings/goings/etc of all the things and people I follow…but I haven’t read them. Yet.

Going back a couple of days…. we don’t have intro to Judaism class next week but the following week… guess what? It’s the last. The final class. Minus our review class whenever that’ll be, shortly after the last I guess. We will do a Shabbat dinner together and go to the Holocaust Museum. Then it’s….over. We still need to meet with our Rabbi over what’s next for us. What’s next for me? I just know that I want to go where a Jewish opportunity will be will fairly open to me. I’m not sure if there’s anything here. There was at one point, but… I don’t know. What’s next? In May I will be taking a Thursday class with TBE Rabbi, and doing various things with each of the synagogues after that. I’m not sure what’s next with my conversion, that’s something I have to find out. The future is unwritten, and I’m kind of embracing that right now….it allows me to be open. Wherever I end up, I will be embracing my future Jewish life so hard.

Anyway. Happy Passover. I will gather my thoughts throughout the next few days and have a couple more entries dedicated to Passover… hopefully. As far as am I feeling better since the last blog post? I don’t know. I’m just trying to get through Passover.

Next week (Friday) if it works out…I am stage managing my first movie shoot. I’m a little nervous, but ready to get back at it. Being boss and all.

Love Always,
Karen Maeby

PS: Even though I don’t believe in anything to do with Easter, there’s one thing I wish I could have: a hard boiled egg decked out with a rainbow of color and some glitter for an extra sparkle of happy….so I can peel the egg and eat it. That’s all I want.

[The Shabbat Edition 008]

I swear, this website business is making me grumpy. I schedule (some) of my posts on here and they’re not posting at the right time! THEN my other website is shut down until I have a full day to devote to it to find out why spam is leaving comments….which will not be until forever and twenty years from now! Oy!

In other words…. SHABBAT SHALOM! my ultimate… I LOVE YOU FRIDAYS.

A Small Synopsis

Going backwards…the last two weeks…

Thursday (yesterday) the LGBTQ portion of GPlibrary was putting on their monthly film night, so I got to see “We the Animals”… which was a very interesting and poetic film. I’ve been wanting to go to film night since forever and I finally went. Check-mark.

Mon – usual writers group, Weds – J*class, a week ago, Thurs – 2of2 prayer class

Sunday – fantastic Mitzvah Day

One week ago Friday – I got to crash rehearsal for OBC and that was a fun time and welcome back. I also received my Midge Haggadah in the mail!

Don’t remember what else. I’m still reading a lot of books, currently reading one about a woman who used to work in a call centre in the UK. Hilarious customer stories. I’m about 60% done. 

On a sad note: I’ve been missing my baby Sir Eisenhower so much. I can’t help but to wonder what his soul is up to now. I miss him being so loud hitting his plexiglass at 3am that he would wake me up and I’d have to yell at him to go to sleep. He’d actually listen. Every time. I miss him. A lot. I miss staring at him and watching his little eyes, and seeing how cranky he’d get when I would tell him no. He would slant his eyes at me in the most grumpiest way. He had personality. I guess I’m going to get a few more crabs to give Havali company since I’m never home to teach her like I taught and spent time with E. It’ll never be the same, I don’t think any other crab will become as spoiled as he was, or taken every where like he was. But we’ll see. I need to come up with 3 more Jewish names. Essentially, 2 males, 1 more female.

Event/Special Moments

Mitzvah Day! It was the bestest!

What am I looking forward to this week?

-All of the Passover things, including Friday night Seder at CBI. (My first Seder ever, ever, ever… yay!)
-There’s some classes that my Rabbi is teaching about Passover and I think I’m going to attend those.
-I see that TBE is actually going to have Mitzvah Day at the last Sunday of the month, so I’m going to sign up for that. Can’t do enough good deeds in the world!
-There’s also some classes this weekend at TBE that I want to take.
-Gotta get organized in a thousand ways, relax and do more reading… and possibly writing on this book that I need to write.
-I need to work on my schedule, to-do lists, and etc.

Bye all!

[The Shabbat Edition 007]

I feel like I should be super sleuthy or something with this Shabbat entry being 007. See what I did there? Too bad I really truly don’t care for the James Bond series. And I’m too exhausted to make any more jokes.

IN OTHER WORDS: Shabbat Shalom! <3 <3 <3

I am so happy it is Friday, because it totally feels like it’s been years since I’ve seen my favorite day. I think I need to go to Shabbat Service tonight since I feel that way. Somethings amiss!

A Small Synopsis

This week has been pretty fair to me. Usually I feel the let down and post-depression after a show ends, but I’ve faired well by focusing on the spring cleaning that I previously mentioned. It is also the end of the month, so work has been crazy. I’m still glowing from the Purim Spiel, though, and the lyrics are still in my brain! I also had a really strange dream (that seemed so real) about a play that I am starting to write. It was the strangest thing. Ever, ever.

Lessons Learned

This is actually a literal thing – I took my 1st of 2 classes for learning about the Jewish prayer book tonight from TBE. I really like it. Of course, the Rabbi wanted to know my story / my journey of how I came to terms with wanting to convert…. when I started this blog (my very first entry) only told the piece of what I told my aunt before she died. After telling my story tonight, I think I am going to write and post my full story next week…so make sure you look for it.

Everything happens for a reason / you meet people for a reason….. A few days ago, I read my horoscope and it said ‘someone from your past will resurface’ and that’s all I really remember. I just happened to think about my Twitter account that I haven’t logged into since forever… and had a message from someone I haven’t talked to since I lived in North Carolina. Turns out, this person is Jewish, and we’ve been discussing that since we reconnected. I had no idea whatsoever of this news when we first talked years ago.

Event/Special Moments

I don’t think I have anything to add here, but I will the next couple of weeks.

What am I looking forward to this week? 

I am trying my best to get on *my* matzo ball soup (and super sacred writing time) schedule once again, but it’s not working out…. Today I have something to do on the complete opposite end of town regarding something else I want to do.

More spring cleaning, reading, and going to a car show / art show sometime this weekend.

Writing….. because I am finally getting some new ideas.

Monday begins April: and it is also poetry month… so I have given myself an assignment. Write 3 poems a day regarding notable events that is listed on the dates (like April 1, 2, 3 – 30) on Wikipedia. That way… 30 days, 3 poems = 90 and then I can find 10 more from my past and publish it in a book collection. It’s been far too many years since I’ve published a book. No more excuses.

I am also looking forward to the 2nd class of TBE, my actual class with my Rabbi, and possibly attending some more events… I’m looking at signing up for mitzvah day from TBS up north since I’ve practically missed everyone else’s around here due to previous commitments.

MY CALENDAR IS BACK IN ACTION. Meaning… I’m writing in dates and seeing what days I have open and filling them with all the good things…. like, fun Jewish things, or theatre and art things… all the things… BUT I am still NOT doing what I have done in the past… only in moderation, so I don’t end up in a tizzy.

….

And to conclude this entry, I have been thinking (and over thinking) about how I can help others while on my now journey towards conversion and what to do with myself afterwards (with the knowledge and feeling I’ll have). Like, what am I? A writer. An artist. Someone who will help someone by telling stories and guiding them through shows of the theatre? Someone who reaches out to others that have questions and gives a helping hand? I really want to play an important part of this Jewish community. Be like someone that people can go to, and count on, maybe for events and the like… since I’m so in love with events and it’s like my thing. But I also love people and their stories.. and want to connect… and do ALL THE THINGS in this world, because my goodness, I have 30 years to make up for it all. There’s so much to be involved in from synagogue to synagogue (and trust me, I want to visit all of them) to events they have to all the classes to eventually joining a MahJongg group (yes, yes, yes) to learning all about the food and what it truly means to be Kosher and my desire to learn to cater and etc there to the Holocaust Museum and so much more… also, traveling around the US to go to important places including Jewish Museums, the famous and most oldest of the synagogues, and for the various places that support LGBTQ Jews (JQ/Keshet)…And right now, for what it’s worth–for what I can do with my schedule–I’m attending what I can and I’m enjoying it all, taking in every experience… so I can share it… and it be a part of my forever journey…and here I am, trying to document it here.

I love you~ always and forever ~a lovely Shabbat to you.
Karen Maeby

[The Shabbat Edition 006]

Just got home from rehearsal (writing this SUPER late Thursday night). I am spent. This’ll be a quick Shabbat edition.

Happy Shabbat. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

A Small Synopsis

Other than work, go to my class, and rehearsal–I have been doing nothing but reading. I should be working on my writer’s group work, but I am all out of creativity right now, unfortunately. The other thing that’s been occupying my mind is the Purim Spiel.

Last year at Purim I wasn’t fully on my Jewish Journey, so I didn’t really know what all went into the holiday… but Purim? It. Is. Fantastic. I have been living/breathing the Purim Spiel the last several weeks. I have been in the mood for celebration, mostly because some sort of peace offering and reconciliation has occurred on several stances. I am so very happy, and I am definitely looking forward to moving in a more positive direction with everything I have going on in my life.

Lessons Learned

-If you repeatedly do the same thing and expecting the same result… it does not work. Fix and repair. Fix and repair. I’m doing something a little different this time, and it seems to be working.

-Anxiety is real and mine was complete nonsense due to slight misunderstandings. It was just something I had to figure out on my own and at my own timing.

-When someone fears judgement or is scared (whether it’s feelings or their own truths) they will say one thing and do another while completely hiding how they really feel about the situation.

-Love is stronger than anything else in this world, so are true connections. People still meet people for a reason. Coincidences aren’t just coincidences.

Event/Special Moments

This entire week has been about Purim. On Wednesday, I went to my Jewish class and we talked about death, then went straight into Purim. On the death note: I am so happy to see that my thoughts on how life should be celebrated or thought out in the end aligns with Judaism. Also, if you’re looking for another good podcast to listen to: “a good end” talks about death in Judaism. It’s a wonderful podcast.

The Purim service was an amazing experience for my first time. The only thing that drove me crazy (which I get the point): every time Haman’s name is mentioned, we have to shake these noisemakers because we dislike him for almost killing us. Well, if we believed in a hell, I’d be going, because it sounded like “more cowbell” at a baseball game. Oy. I just don’t like noise.

I have had so much fun with my new TBI family over this Purim Spiel. We’ve had a lot of laughs and serious moments while watching everything come together. I really love this group of amazing people–they treat me with respect, bringing me in on conversations or just updating me about what happened while I was gone yesterday, and so much more. I really need to work on a poem for them, so they can remember these moments by.

What am I looking forward to this week? 

-The Purim Spiel, even though after this weekend, it’ll be over….and I’m really truly going to miss everyone with every fibre of my being.

-More matzo ball soup.

-More reading. And hopefully writing.

*

Have a wonderful Shabbat!

Love Always, Karen Maeby

[The Shabbat Edition 005]

♥️GOOD MORNING♥️

You know what time it is!
SHABBAT SHALOM!
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
I JUST LOVE YOUR FACE,
especially if your name is Friday,
or if you love Fridays as much as I do.

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY.

ALSO, HAPPY ADAR II !!

Thursday afternoon: it’s a good thing I’ve written on this bits and pieces all week, because my energy is drained so much. I thought I was getting better with just 1.5 days of feeling icky but not true. Sore throat, no energy, freezing & burning up at the same time, a terrible headache and shaking really, really badly. Please send positive vibes.

A Small Large Synopsis… since I’ve barely been seen all week. I apologize.

-Friday night was the art show and I already wrote about that. Saturday night I ended up at the TS talent show where it was a country/western theme. A few members of my theatre family performed. One sang & acted, another only sang (first time hearing him and he was good!), and the other lip-synced dressed as Dolly Parton (that was hilarious). That was it for the night out. I loved their stage though – they have this fancy glittery curtain that I couldn’t take my eyes off of… sure hope I can do a show there with my group one day. I will target them until they say yes (PUSH: pursue until something happens.) Make ways upon that Glittery stage.

-Sunday: Long rehearsal for Purim Spiel went okay, I think I mentioned that. Later that night, I painted before bed (literally the last post on my Insta), and watched “Office Space” (a movie the guys at work always reference but I have never seen) then put my paints away for the last 30 mins of the movie… and fell asleep. So I have no idea how it ended. I just can’t do movies anymore.

-Monday evening following my almost explosion, I went into hiding and I finished the rest of Leslea Newman’s “Letter to Harvey Milk” book by reading the last few stories/chapters. Wow. One of them: whew–thatwaslikesohot, another: wow, my heart was just ripped out of my chest, the last one: that was crazy how it was all tied up with the characters, the others in between: wow! feelings! so many feelings!! Amazing! What an amazing book (just like her other book!). I can honestly say that I have never, ever, ever loved an author as much as I do her. I’m super picky about what I read and what I end up liking, but you can feel just about every single emotion with her work! Amazing! I’ve seriously been searching all of my life for an author to be able to faithfully follow and I think I’ve found her. I really hope she comes back to this area again so I can give her a really big hug and say thank you…because I truthfully believe, if you find a writer that you just can’t wait to read what they write next, you need to tell them. You need to tell them that you love their work, if it’s life changing or helping you in some way….all of that is so important. It is not easy carrying this much emotion inside with everything we do. The majority of people can just walk away from anything without any feelings, but we? Writers? We’re left smothered in so many emotions that eventually turn into writings….whether it’s for us, or others….but we often have to endure the pain and thoughts first, and it is sometimes not the most pleasant of times. Then you end up here reading our work. So yes, if you have favorite author(s), let them know in some way, I know they’ll be grateful like I would.

-Tuesday: Apparently a film crew was shooting a movie about someone in the marina where my office is located. They were there off/on all day, even during the rain. They sat up for breakfast, then it rained and they tore it down. Came back several times in a couple of vehicles. Then came back for a large lunch with tables and buffet and all. At the top of the morn, my guys were like ‘THERE’S DONUTS DOWNSTAIRS’ and most of them went to eat donuts…. because–like the play I wrote for my show in November–donuts are not allowed in our office. I guess eating them 5 feet away from the door doesn’t count?

-Random thought: Can you be Jewish and like Jimmy Buffett? I’m listening to his music (a concert on his radio station) and what should come on? His song: Cheeseburger in Paradise. But! That ain’t Kosher! Oh jeez. I now have to rethink my whole life. PIVOT PPPIIIIIVVVVOOOTTT. … . . Just kidding. It’s only a song, I’m not eating cheeseburgers anymore, and it doesn’t even come close to being my favorite song of his. So I think I’m good. Shew.

Lessons Learned

-When you looking for an answer, look deep into your soul, because that’s where you’ll find it. I found answers to a lot of questions this week in old writings of mine. Who would’ve ever thunk that at some point my younger self would be teaching my older self some life lessons. I am confusing.

I also really need to start working on this section a whole more.

-My weird dreams are never going to end. The Universe loves sending me little love notes or warnings through my sleep…apparently!

Event/Special Moments

This also needs worked on. I need to starting doing something fun at least once a week. I’m getting around to being so lame and oh-so-borrrrring.

This might be considered special moments… I HAVE DOWNLOADED SO MUCH JEWISH MUSIC ON MY PHONE. Including…Shabbat series of songs, a Purim Spiel (yes, it is a kids thing/theme, shhhhh.), and Paul Shapiro’s “To Life” (which is freaking amazing turned up really, really, really loud with boom-boom bass because it is jaaaazzzzzzz, jazz, jazzzzzz my fave!!!)! Aaaaaahh. This whole thing makes me wonder if theatre wasn’t the gateway to finding my new Jewish life and I wasn’t supposed to find music again until I found my soul immersed in Judaism. There’s so much depth in that thought.

What am I looking forward to this week? 

-I AM TAKING OFF WORK ON SHABBAT NEXT WEEK. Let’s repeat that… I! AM! TAKING! OFF! WORK! ON! SHABBAT! NEXT! WEEK! omg. I get a day off! (yeah right) I can’t trick myself too much because it’s actually not really a day off…. My day will be starting at 4am and go until about 4-5pm, then Saturday too. (In fact, Thursday may run into Friday morning depends on what happens. It will be a long, long, long weekend.) But needless to say, I’m super duper excited that I get to spend my favorite day doing something different and not at work-work… I just wish I could get back my Fridays again, do something different, like I was trying to do. Fridays are super duper special. Fridays are for matzo ball soup. Fridays are meant to be spent how I want to spend it. I think for my sanity, I really need to redirect my Fridays back to that again. If only I can figure out how. Time, time, time.

-It isn’t this week but I’m looking forward to… PURIM! PURIM! PURIM! PURIM! I’m like a kid in a candy store. Last year all I did was read about it, this year I’m doing the things and even in a Purim show. I sincerely love this life. So much. My journey (especially learning about each event and finding things on my own… like the Purim Spiel on iTunes) is just so…. I can’t describe it. I’m bursting at the seams with just so much joy and excitement… it’s like I’m unlocking a secret inside that treasure chest that’s been in my closet (with me) my whole life and it was just the perfect timing for me to discover it.

-What am I not looking forward to? THE. TIME. CHANGE. *ultimate sad face* But that does mean I get to go back to walking every night and seeing the sunset! So, there’s that.

-That’s all folks. Much LOVE, Karen Maeby ♥️