The reason I’m Ahava.

Note: I’m digging through a lot of really, really, really old files from all my online blogs that I saved, and I found this report. Not sure where it came from, but it’s almost like Ahava has been my name all along, waiting for me to find the perfect time to take it…(It also helps that I’ve been 100000000% for love my entire life. It’s like, duh, it SHOULD be my Hebrew name.)

Karen, your subconscious mind is driven most by Love 

Everyone has a desire to love. But your desire is rooted very deeply in your unconscious and affects many of the decisions you make in life – whether you are aware of it or not. 

You have an energy about you that inspires people to experience their true feelings of love and act kindly towards others. In this way, you and your drive for loving relationships start a chain reaction of positive experiences. 

The reason you are driven by love, may be because your unconscious is trying to avoid the opposite of love – hate. You, more than others, may be afraid of experiencing severe discord with others. That may, in turn, heavily influence your choices about relationships and the way you communicate your ideas, wants, and desires to others. 

With such a strong orientation towards loving others, your relationships hold a very special place in your life. Your capacity to love may be greater than those around you, and therefore you may have more to give in relationships than your romantic partner does. Remember that this is a gift you have and one most others don’t possess. 

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Love, there is much more to who you are at your core. 

[Book Review] Anne Frank’s Tales From the Secret Annex

Sometime around my conversion (before/after, can’t remember), I picked up this book, and I finally had the chance to finish it today. It’s a collection of short stories, essays, personal narratives, fables and other writings that are a lot less known than Anne Frank’s diary. Even with me knowing about Anne since I was a teen, I didn’t even know about this book until recently.

I will say this much: it is really, really, really crazy how similar we write. It actually kind of gives me the shivers in a way. Her essays / personal narratives are written in such a way that I write mine, and her fictional stories always have some sort of lesson in them or is based up on something true… just like I typically write 90% of mine.

In the first portion of the book she tells true personal narratives of things that happened while in the Annex, about the people she was with, and the relationships between some of them. She wrote about their weekdays and weekends and what their behaviors were throughout the day along with the time. A few of her narratives were reminiscent to her school days before the Holocaust started happening and they had to go into hiding.

Even in her fictional stories, she wrote a lot about the war, referencing it a lot. If it wasn’t about the war, then it was characters that were working out issues with their parents or someone else in their life that they were having problems with, or wishing they had a companion or someone they could trust and talk to in their life… if you knew from reading her diary, you’d know exactly she was referring to if the characters had problems.

In one of her stories she wrote about spending time with a famous family in America, and after reading that chapter, it gave me inspiration (and ammunition–not the right word–but I think that gets my point across) on what to do about Anne Frank in a story that I’ve been working on since 2017. So, on the basis of that, I truly believe everything happens for a reason…. including finding a book and reading it at the appropriate time.

Anne Frank was surely a young girl with such a deep old soul and so much insight for someone her age. Thoughts that were well beyond her years. It is truly a shame that bad things have to happen to the truest of people with good souls that want to and could have changed the world. I do think that–in a way, even though she’s not alive–she has helped so many people and she did become a writer like she had hoped and wanted. Even though it was her legacy that got her there.

I will always have ties to Anne, as it was the first book I read about the Holocaust in my teen years, I reacted 1000% more than what the other kids did, and she’s been that thread throughout my life. When I converted on her birthday, I made a promise to her and G-d and I intend on fulfilling that promise…. of doing everything I can to help change the world, even if it’s starting person by person… by just doing and being good, and following and being the light. I owe it to her.

Please do yourself a favor and check out this book, it is amazing to see her fictional stories, and how they tie in with her diary and real life.

[Shabbat Edition 016]

SHHHHHHABBBBATTTTT SHALLOOOOOMMMM!

HAPPY FRIDAY. I STILL LOVE YOU SO MUCH MY DEAR FRIDAY.

It’s Thursday night and I’ve got the bottle of Chianti out while typing this Shabbat entry. By the way, if I mix up my tenses it’s because I am writing it Thursday to post for Friday but not letting you know I did it on Thursday. (This goes for all the time.) But now you know my secret. 

A small synopsis 

After the SOAs ended, I’ve been resting. Sort of. I was sick with food poisoning and cancelled the writers group Monday, I felt better on Tuesday after getting my soup. I went up north to TBI to try out for a part but they stuck with age 50+ even for the pre-teen/teen parts, but I’m a back up SM. Which is fine….onto the next thing, whatever that may be.  

The news I wanted to share… here we go.. drumroll…. last year I got the chance to read for T/S summer one act plays. They didn’t end up doing it this year, so I was super disappointed I didn’t get my chance to read about 200 scripts from other people. Guess what? They will be doing it in April, so that means… they will be announcing for scripts soon, so I will get to read about 200 scripts this year after all. I am so happy!!!!! I missed doing that. It has been on my calendar for 2019 since I finished reading in 2018. Needless to say, I’m so excited… I’m such a nerd. I’m also going to submit a few of my plays to them, since it won’t be in competition this time around, and if it gets picked, I can actually see it performed. 

Both last night and tonight I had dinner with two different friends. We finally caught up after a really long time. I’ve got a lot more rounds of seeing individual friends. I guess that’s what happens when I know so many people and my time is really spread thin to only theatre 99% of the time and I have to make up for it when I can. I love my friends very much though. 

I saw where someone I went to high school with was killed in a car accident back around the first of July. Her daughter got on Facebook and let the rest of us know something happened. I didn’t know her very well but she was nice. 33 years old. It’s so hard to believe. Life is so short. Anything could happen at any minute. 

Lessons Learned

I’ve been writing down things that I need to do better for next time I stage manage. You know, being my worst critic and all. 

I still need to stop eating junk. I also need to lose a few pounds after eating all that junk. 

Let’s revisit this (Mercury retrograde do’s / dont’s)…. remember it? I will write my update next to it.

Dont’s

  • Make important decisions – nope 
  • Sign contracts – nope 
  • Buy a car – nope 
  • Begin a new relationship – nope 
  • Take anything personally at this time – nope 

Do’s

  • Take your time reading paperwork/contracts – not yet 
  • Reflect on your past choices – yes yes yes 
  • Have back-up plans for travel – not traveling, will be in Oct 
  • Repair your car – not yet, need to 
  • Re-color your hair – yes, and it’s fading fast 
  • Review your financial situation – yes 
  • Give yourself and your space a good clearing – not yet, but needs to be done 
  • Release an unhealthy habit – hell yes times a million (release of anything unhealthy) 

What You Can Expect

  • Miscommunication – people may be misinterpreting what you say and you may misinterpret other people’s words and intentions – yep yep yep yep yep yep 
  • Electronics are going haywire – computers, clocks, telephones, etc. – our lights went crazy a couple of times at theatre 
  • Batteries dying – yes, my phone, always 
  • Angry behavior – not me personally, but had to deal with it out of others 
  • Mistakes – maybe? 
  • Getting lost, tardiness – surprisingly not me, but half of my cast was running late one day, oy! 
  • Increased number of accidents – thankfully none (knock on wood)  
  • People from your past may make come back into your life – not yet 

Events / Special Moments 

It has been an amazing summer one act season and I was sad to see it go. I definitely put in my work for this one—finally getting my chance at stage managing a GCP show alone (one that isn’t solely mine, like the writers group). I pretty much had everything you could imagine happen every single day up until I wrote out my prayer on here last Thursday, then it was calm. Miracles do happen! Besides our normal light board issues, every show went smoothly. Thank goodness… because that’s a reflection on me. 

Funny story: There was a play where we had someone dressed in a tutu with pink tights playing a fairy and he had a wand. Well, it was at the point where he had to fall back and lose his wand, and he lost it alright. So he fell, the wand flew across the floor and all the way to behind the back curtain and under the couch. It struck my funny bone, so I had to run into the green room—laugh it off (so hard)—then compose myself to go back out in the wings of the stage, crawl over top of all the furniture, make sure no one saw me and slide the wand back out to the floor…. and somehow, by some miracle indeed, I had it back out at the most perfect time they told me and I didn’t let out a single giggle. OMG. It was so funny. Everyone was gathered around the TV in the back room just laughing as hard as I did. 

The next day, I’m finding beads all over the stage, and I find out it was from the fairy wand. I asked the director if she had another one, because that looked like it was going to fall apart, and she said no. That night, the fairy went to do something with the wand, and the star piece on the wand broke and fell… right… on…stage…as they were doing the performance. I jinxed it. They ended up fixing it about 2 more times until they had a final solution. 

But that was definitely the funniest story of them all. 

What am I looking forward to this week? 

Oh let’s see here…. 
PARTY. PARTY. PARTY. For my 33rd (going on, like, 13th or something) birthday. 

Thursday I’m having lunch at my 3rd home, having dinner at the place my theatre always eats at and then drinks at our normal place on Friday night AFTER I go to Shabbat like a good Jewish girl. 

Then, I really, really, really hope to rest because I am just purely so exhausted. Or maybe it’s the wine? Until next time… I will rhyme… 

Oh and… Elvis. You’ll have to wait for next time about that, but it is so amazing how I’ve been putting thoughts into the world and the answer comes right back to me… as clear as day…even this Elvis play I’m wanting to write. I found the answers. Didn’t take too long either. Absolutely amazing. Toomuch wine,bye.HAPPYSHABBATTTTTTT.

Love Always, 
Karen Maeby (Ahava) 

Happy Merry Christmas in July!

Yeah, it’s probably not exactly Kosher saying this on a Jewish blog of a recent convert, but I’m going to say it anyway: Merry Christmas in July. Go right ahead and judge me.

I’ve been told that this was actually the day I was “supposed” to be born, but arrived in the world one week later. Christmas in July is a made up holiday (from people who live in the cold-in-Dec states), and I learned about it back in my middle school years on July 24/25th while down on a houseboat. We had the whole shebang on July 25th that Florida actually gets to have in Dec: boats decorated for the boat parades and contests, cookouts, parties, etc. It’s so much fun.

I’ve been listening to Jimmy Buffett’s radio station just to get the island feeling, especially since it’s dark and awful outside with the rain, and I need some sunlight.

Also, RIP to Joe Anthony, one of my most favorite people on this planet. I can’t believe it’s been 5 years now since he left us. An important person in the boating industry and a close friend of mine. I miss his fun ways.

I mentioned I’ve been lightly celebrating all the things the last couple weeks but not completely fully. I started my pre-birthday celebration by meeting a friend for dinner last night, and have something else planned tonight with someone else, then I return to my normal/traditional Shabbat. I hope I get some peace and quiet this weekend where I can read, write, and just relax… and plan. Then next week is party, party, party.

I’m so far behind on my Jewish newsletter emails once again, but I did open a few of Aish.com’s daily emails to find this…

#635 Live Your Dreams

Others cannot know the full extent of your goals, aspirations, dreams, visions, wishes, hopes, and prayers. These can be much more courageous than anyone else might imagine.

Here it is important to have a mixture of present reality, with believing that the Almighty can enable you to accomplish and become much more than anyone can know.

(Sources: From Rabbi Pliskin’s book, “Courage”)

It fits right in with me announcing my news of where I’m heading next after the one acts next year. I see it as a sign.

“In order to have what you really want, you must first be who you really are.” – Tim S Grover (aish.com)

“Jews cannot afford the luxury of pessimism.” – Golda Meir (aish.com)

I can’t believe our new year is coming up already. I’m ready, though.

I’m holding out on information so that I will have something to fill up my Shabbat entry, but a tiny hint… I have to get my plays together for an early submission… because, well, I’ll tell you tomorrow… but I’m itching to write a play about finding Elvis–inspired by me wanting to go to Vegas to find Elvis among the streets. Is it actually Elvis or something else I’m searching for?

Life’s confusing, and so am I.

Love Always,
Karen Maeby (Ahava)

PS. I just happened on FB to find out that someone I went to school with passed away from a bad car wreck. RIP Charlotte.

Thankful.

Becoming Ahava was the best thing that could ever happen to me.

I’m so in love with life. Opportunities. Parties. Celebrating. Living.

It’s all about.. love, love, love and potentially making people turn green from me speaking of looooooove sooooo much. It’s almost the equivalent to my constant wearing of glitter and color. *starts singing* Blinded by the light.

It’s just so crazy how things have just turned completely around in the last few weeks. So hard to believe it’s almost been a month and half since converting. Reminder of: I still need to write my story.

I had to say this. Send it out to the world.

By the way, “Becoming Ahava” will be the official title of the book I’m writing about my journey to converting.

Since the prayer I wrote out last week (for theatre) actually did work, here I go again…

Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu, melekh ha`olam…please allow me to be presented with opportunities that move me forward and towards the destiny of which is planned for me. To stay strong with positivity, moving towards the light, and far, far, far away from any sort of drama or negativity. Let me let go of those who are not good for me or situations that do not belong to me anymore or for the time being. Please let me walk away from anything harmful, or doors that close, to know that there’s something better out there. Please allow me to see my beshert and vice versa through the realm of love and openness and future life goals. Amen, Ahava.

A prayer upon request.

Not even a few hours into my day today, and I get an email from our producer, and something else has happened (in G-d’s hands/beyond our control). It’s like, this has been the most dramatically insane “behind the scenes” show in the 4 SOAs I’ve ever worked… and it’s not even the second week yet. #HolyStoriesBatman. And here I created the most simplest show with the least amount of everything and the most laid back to be the most smoothest…All these tests, G-d; I’m going to be passing them with flying colors! To note though: after every single issue our producer or I have shared taking care of the issues right away, including today’s, so that it would be over before it started. If that makes sense. So thankful for that.

Having said that, serious question: is there an actual prayer to say before opening of a show? Like, we theatre people say to one another: break a leg (NOT good luck because that actually means bad luck.. so you never want to say that..) I need to say something, and I want to say it in Hebrew. Anyone Jewish reading this? Help! If not, I’m going to have to create one…. the Jewish show girl’s guide to prayer! Or something like that.

Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu, melekh ha`olam… please let the remainder of this show go smoothly, not giving us too many more problems (that we/I obviously cannot handle), and for us to just have fun and bond as a group for this final week. Keep the rest of us safe and allow us to break legs (in the theatre sense). Amen, Ahava.

On another note: I was conned into doing another story of creating the ending of everyone’s characters like I’ve done in the past two years. I’m not quite done, but I’ll give to the cast Saturday. There’s so many characters this year, like 30-40, and coming up with an ending and twist of a story….was actually more simpler than I thought it would be. But nonetheless, everyone’s like “TRADITION” you can’t let us down now! They enjoy reading what I come up with, especially those who have already been exposed to it.

Love Always,
Karen Maeby (Ahava)

Another Friday Post

I write so much that I lose track of everything, but I have to make a note of this here… definitely during the month of July–the last several years–I have gone through and wrote about the whole “light to dark in soul” concept. Am I seriously a person of pattern, or is there a deeper reasoning of feeling this way? If so (on the person of pattern), I am learning that just now… add that to my “what I have learned this week” in the previous entry.

7/24/2016 ©  Karen Maeby (Ahava)

Someone turned the light on in her soul–
for the while, it’s been so dark.
She’s getting used to the flame,
instead of the flicker.

Coincidences lead to laughs
and they stop to wonder
had the stars aligned
just in time, to pull them together?

They lean in for a kiss,
and another and another…
until time becomes lost,
as it stands still.

“Be still, my heart” —
He says and she says.
Silently–in agreement–
as they don’t want to ever say goodnight.

*

The above piece was actually written in a Facebook post that just happened to be a memory that posted up last year and I screenshot it. I have no idea if it’s actually saved somewhere else or not. I have so many pieces like that. It’s terrible.

*

Anddddd… last year in very early August 2018, I drew a picture with flowers in a vase and hearts streamed across a music staff with this poetry:

LOVE SOMEONE
that brings the light to your dark,
and the smiles through the rain…
and the colors to your black and white…

LOVE SOMEONE
that makes your soul sing
so much that you can feel it
down to the core of your heart.

LOVE SOMEONE
that makes you want to be a poet,
even if you aren’t.
LOVE SOMEONE
that challenges you every day
to be a better person overall.
FIND SOMEONE
that makes “HOME”
within their arms, and not a place.

*

*very big sigh*

Always, Karen Maeby (Ahava)

[Shabbat Edition 015]

HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPY FRIDAY!
Shabbat Shalom, my loves!

This week has certainly been interesting…

A small synopsis

My moods and thoughts have been of nothing but poetic sense with a touch of music and set like a play in my mind. My brain has also done this *BOUNCE BOUNCE bounce BOUnce bouNCE* all over the freaking place. Maybe it’s because of the season of Summer One Acts. I’ll blame that.

As we all know, any time I’m doing a show, my life is literally all about that show, or any feelings inspired by the show.

Thursday (last night) we opened and it was successful for our first show. Still having issues in two areas for moving of furniture just because there’s so much going off/on, but I’m working towards (hopefully) perfecting it tomorrow.

While backstage waiting for one of the plays to be over to do my work, I wrote a completely new one act play, which has one heck of a twist and half! I’m very happy about this play. I also started working on an opera. Sometimes I write things knowing it’s for something, and sometimes I write backwards then realizing I can use that work. If that makes sense. And…. I wrote notes for a TV show that I started writing in 2017–due to something funny happening recently–and I realized I should probably work on that. So much writing, so much having to keep a thousand characters different and storylines different and oyvey…. I hope this pays off one day. My brain will literally explode if I don’t get it all out.

Also today: as it grows closer to my birthday, I’m having severe panic attacks. Every year, as I get older, it’s like…. these same questions… what have I actually done with my life? Have I made something out of myself? I often feel too much like I haven’t done anything. I said this today to someone and he was basically like, “Are you crazy? You’ve done so much, especially in the last few years.” I guess when you’re the one seeing you and what you’re doing in life, it’s much different than how everyone else views you. All I know is that things have to change come August. I’m feeling another midlife crisis coming on. Like, real bad this time.

Lessons Learned

Learned about the month of July antics and then the whole light/darkness theory in Jewish Mysticism.

I am learning what I can control and what I cannot, and maybe what I should or could’ve done better. (Stage managing)

I am also learning that–even though our actual theatre home is almost across/down the street–I should probably have a long list of everything we need to take with us so we’re not having to run back there (due to me). There weren’t many cases of that, because I didn’t forget very important things, but I forgot a few. This is my first time arranging the whole thing and stage managing almost completely by myself, but I’m still very critical of me. A little OCD, perfectionist and critical mixed with some sort of crazy…. makes for interesting when I do something wrong.

I really need to learn how to properly dress a table for elegant dining. It would be so helpful to have this knowledge in order to make the table look right. I also want to touch costuming one day, but not any time soon. I’m already doing too much as it is (for now).

Events / Special Moments

Preparing for the Summer One Acts. I can’t believe it’ll be over in two weeks, it’s going to go very fast. I know already, this is my 4th year.

I put up a party list in the green room and so far this first week: we’ve got plans tonight for drinks at our usual spot, early dinner on Saturday in between our two shows (our tradition) and then Sunday afterwards having dinner with someone who used to be with us and is coming back to see the show. This time, I’m going to have to get photos of everyone. I am always so caught up in the moment that I forget to take pictures.

What am I looking forward to this week?

Getting the show on the road.

Having M, T, W of next week off… but I think I made some commitments so I’m not officially off the hook.

Love Always,
Karen Maeby (Ahava)

she sings soprano
but her voice is only alto
hitting those notes, so high tho
so many songs inside her mind
a pen that is always busy
a notebook that is always full
a soul bursting with song
and love and love

what could ever go wrong?

Jewish Mysticism Continued

[Lunch break.]

Just when I thought things couldn’t get crazier, they do. I have discovered Kabbalah.com, and thus begins my journey into a whole other world….

Remember a long, long, long time ago when I wrote about feeling trapped–felt like a slave to my own life–back in March or April, only to realize that, well, that’s what Passover is all about? Escaping from that… then my feelings towards thinking the new year should start in the fall, and our Jewish new year does?

Well.

Right now, it appears, I’m on that same kind of mood trap along with the Jewish calendar of feelings….. It is apparently the perfect month to go searching deep within the soul for ‘light through the darkness’ — the same abundance of feelings that I’ve felt the last few days, maybe weeks. Uhhhh. Can I have a drink? It’s getting a little too spooky here how things are finally aligning and making sense to me… that I’m one step closer… and I’m regaining conscious of my soul, just like I was deeply connected to back when I was in school, but lost for many years until I started my journey to becoming Jewish. This is absolutely insane.

Posted yesterday on Kabbalah.com, an entry titled “Transforming Darkness into Light(oh, for goodness sakes, when my soul felt it really strongly)–and I quote–

“The portion of Balak is about, on the surface, negativity, but in the greater picture it is about the protection from this negativity and the power to even transform it. It always is sent to us from the Creator during the time of Cancer, when our ruling celestial body is the moon. The moon is a rock that is totally absent of Light; it does not give, only receives. It is in this way we can come to see how our two villainous characters are a lot like the moon. However, the moon is able to shine when a transformation occurs. There is hope for every trace of darkness to turn into Light.”

“The month of Cancer gives us the power of sensitivity and nurturing so that we can make this vital transformation. A transformation that benefits the world, others, but, as always, benefits ourselves the most. For when we bless, we are blessed. It is the very reason we came to this world, to emerge from our cocoons having done our holy work of transforming darkness into Light.”

From an entry titled “Seeing Only The Light” I quote this:

“And what the kabbalists teach is that to be able to see Light where others see darkness, to be able to reveal Light where others experience darkness, is really the entire purpose we are in this world; the entire purpose our soul was put into this physical body was so that we can, throughout life, find those places that are dark, that have concealed Light within them, and reveal them as Light.”

Another one, “Having a Vision of Our Soul’s Purpose” quoted:

“The answer the kabbalists give is not just about that story, but more importantly, about our lives. Every single one of us comes into this world to accomplish certain things, and to influence a certain number of people. Maybe it is just our family, maybe it is our group of friends, or maybe it is even more expanded than that, but each one of us has a job in this world specifically for which our soul came, a task that cannot be accomplished by any other person. How do we come to see the vision of what that task, the purpose of our soul, is? How do we know if we are going in the right direction?”

“One of the ways to really know if something is our purpose is to think about whatever we feel it is, and ask ourselves if it is overwhelming. If it seems like something we do not have all the abilities to do, then we are probably right that it is our purpose. But if we look at it and say, “This is why I am here. Sure, it will take me some time, but I will do it,” then we are not seeing the total vision of the purpose of our soul. It is a vision we truly want to have, and one that we can draw in during this month of Cancer. We want to be able to live every single day of our lives with the knowledge, at least, that we are going in the direction of fulfilling our soul’s purpose in this world, a purpose that is unique only to ourselves. And having a vision of that purpose, if we ask for it, is a gift we can receive in the month of Cancer.”

Thoughts: the crab has been my spirit animal forever (horoscope: cancer), and there must be something very special about July. I want to embrace that, and all the feelings. I feel something happening here. Dear Universe… you know what to do.

Love Always,
Karen Maeby (Ahava)

Jewish Mysticism (the beginning of)

Oy vey. So this weekend has been the absolute weirdest. I think I have physically and emotionally felt every single mood and emotion you can even begin to channel. It also didn’t help having all of this rain because it actually crawls into my bones/muscles and I hurt so badly. And, I must be some sort of stressed because I am wanting to eat everything in sight!!! Anyway, I felt force of the dark side creeping up through my light, for sure, but here’s how I actually took care of business paying attention to the fact that I’m trying to keep changing my life for the better since becoming Jewish…(bear with me until I get there at the end… it’s a process…..)

The weirdness started a couple weeks ago from all of the weird dreams I keep having. Energy was drained on the 4th of July and continued into Friday where I misread a sign that completely threw my day off. That evening, I went to Shabbat service and my soul was cleansed a bit. Then on Saturday—after having moved everything to the CH—I was setting up in the green room. I touched the TV that’s sitting on top of the fridge and got shocked so badly you could actually see a spark. A LARGE, colorful one. Unfortunately, I had yet to unplug the fridge/tv and replug everything into our power strip. As I was doing that, sparks also flew, so I ended up having someone else do that for me. Being shocked left me in a weird mood. I finished my work early, so I went home, and just felt completely drained (again). 

Sunday morning I woke up from having a dream that someone in my family died but then became some other object that suddenly shrinks into something else, almost close to nothingness. Like a horror movie or something. From a show I never, ever watch. Like ever. I just hope this isn’t a sign, because the person I dreamt about barely keeps anyone close and may really be completely alone at this point where people may not find out if something happens….before it gets to that point of, well, that piece of my dream that could be placed into a horror film.  

There’s this new metaphysical shop that opened up near the CH, so I went in there, and picked up some of that energy. I must’ve picked up enough good “light” energy because I’ve been in a mood to accomplish a lot of things and not be sucked into what has drug me to the carpet. Oh, and, one more thing… I lit some candles and one of them backfired and burnt me. I have no Earthly idea what has happened or is happening. … well, up until I read an email from an astrologist/metaphysical shop that I follow in Fort Myers. 

July 7th started the Mercury retrograde and it will last until July 31st. Wonderful. Here’s some notes that came from the email: 

Dont’s
Make important decisions
Sign contracts
Buy a car
Begin a new relationship
Take anything personally at this time

Do’s
Take your time reading paperwork/contracts
Reflect on your past choices
Have back-up plans for travel
Repair your car
Re-color your hair
Review your financial situation
Give yourself and your space a good clearing
Release an unhealthy habit  

What You Can Expect
Miscommunication – people may be misinterpreting what you say and you may misinterpret other people’s words and intentions
Electronics are going haywire – computers, clocks, telephones, etc.
Batteries dying
Angry behavior
Mistakes
Getting lost, tardiness
Increased number of accidents
People from your past may make come back into your life

Yeah, so how fun is that? Welcome to the chaos that is July. But it looks like my plans—after the SOAs are over on the 21st—will be in full alignment with everything under the “Do’s”… I like it when my plans work out. Or, I’m on the right page with the Universe…..Unless: July chaos. 

So…while being on the subject of seriously studying my soul—like I’ve been doing the past couple weeks—I thought about Jewish Mysticism. Out of all those books I ordered, I got The Jewish Mystical Tradition, and I’m starting to flip through the chapters. Not seriously reading because I am trying not to start anything while working a show (new rule for myself), but this is going to be my next “class” even though I’ll be teaching myself, basically. 

I looked online to find that astrology/zodiac actually plays heavy roles in Judaism (Kabbalah). Found out that mazal means planet/star and a more specific word for star is khokhav. “The time, day and date when a person is born has an important influence on his destiny.” I’ve always said that, and the name that you are given defines you. 

I feel like all these weird things that have been happening, and the closer to talking about the soul that I get and feel… maybe I should be heading in the direction of researching Kabbalah… in retrospect of my entire life interest of astrology. You know, I often feel that I was a fortune teller in the 1920s. Every time I dream about it—I see myself in the full outfit—mood rings, stones, candles galore, often dreaming by the glass ball, and so in tune with my intuition and pick up energy every where (if my chakras are cleared). I don’t know, but maybe there’s signs all over the place… and it’s finally time for me to pick up that. What if I become a Jewish fortune teller? Or Jewish Mystical person / philosopher… it goes all along with the writing, creativity and the like. It all goes hand in hand. I think. 

True story: my great-great grandma (I think it is 2-greats) read my grandma’s fortune through coffee grounds. Told her she’d have lots of keys/rooms, and she ended up with a restaurant and an apartment building in the 1950s. So, telling fortunes is in my family, I wish I knew more about this but I don’t.

I think it’d be really helpful to gain enough spirit-intuition to help solve unsolved mysteries. The dead need to be put to rest, they need someone on their side, so does their family who’s still waiting for answers. I think it would be putting that kind of work to good use doing something like that…. and I think it does help that I am almost always right when I’m watching a true crime show on TV and I pick out the murderer right away.

“Mysticism is the quest for the ultimate meaning of life.” 

Ahava is out to change the world. If the many doors—the ones that’s settled—just won’t open, she’ll just make a new door. If an opportunity isn’t there—she’ll make one. Onnnne way or another… or a thousand ways through a thousand different doors and windows and the sky is the limit….

Stay tuned for more… as I channel my very inner-inner soul and all. 

Love Always, 
Karen Maeby (Ahava)