A little emotional here.

All of a sudden I have this terrible emotional gut wrenching pang of sadness and deep, deep, deep longing for my family at TBI and I’m pouring over memories of the Purim Spiel inside my mind. Holy cow do I ever get overly emotional about certain things. If you’re reading this, you probably think I’m a little craycray, but I can’t help what my heart feels when it feels something….hence the whole writer’s mind/heart/soul part. It’s as much a curse as it is a blessing…to have feelings and to feel as deeply about certain things. Anyway, I have our Purim show bookmarked somewhere, and I’m going to be showing it to my parents. It’ll be nice to see it again, and to see everyone again, since I haven’t been much in touch since then. I also had to download “One” from A Chorus Line and “Always Look On the Bright Side of Life” from Spamalot.

To life, to life, l’chaim to life… is still my favorite line.

My emails have been filled with all kinds of news from what to do about Israel / Gaza issue to counting the Omer to Shavuot to everything else in between…..

I read about London’s “Reubens” which was the only Kosher restaurant on the West End closed after 46 years of business. My heart hurts entirely too much when I read that another Kosher Deli bites the dust. This one was due to family bereavement. But any loss of a Kosher Deli is sad. I’ve read in the past 6 months about some closing their doors due to lack of or money or something of that nature. It just makes me very, very sad.

Joe Berlinger–a film director–was inspired to do two different series about Ted Bundy after reading about the Holocaust. As a person who watches non-fiction crime shows way too much (I’m one of those addicted to Investigation Discovery channel), I can’t wait to see what he’s done with those two film series.

I got an email from the ladies of The Jewish Planner giving an update that the planner is in the process of being printed and we’ll get the physical copies around July or August. I’m so excited! I finally have a planner that I’ll be able to follow since I can’t seem to follow the normal ones anymore. My life has literally been on the offset of sunrise to sunset and finally embracing why… love this Jewish life! Just wish the rest of the world could live on that time!

I keep seeing a thousand more articles every day about the newest Instagram story on the girl in the middle of the Holocaust. I’m still upset by it. I haven’t been on Instagram in a few days, so I don’t know what’s going on with that account… but…. I’m reading so many different opinions about it. The truth of the matter is, we really need to figure out how to talk and share about the Holocaust (but maybe in a different educational form) because this article’s statistics are horrifying.

Locally, I just read that one of our Sisterhoods has folded up / suspended operations. It’s not my synagogues Sisterhood, thank goodness, but all the same–sadness.

There’s emails breaking down “Why do people hate the Jews?” It lists reasons for why we are still being targeted and killed today. It’s incredibly sad, and the reasons are complete bullshit…enough that they only make sense to the ones doing the harm. Anti-semitism is on the rise. Worse than ever. And I still want to convert and become a Jew more than anything so that I can be a part of the solution and a positive future to help the world in the name of Judaism.

Aish.com still continues to bring me lots of email resourcefulness of every day counting the Omer (which I look at every few days!) and daily insight/advice.

I read about a Yiddish Typewriter... and still, my desire to learn Yiddish is strong. I need to finish that book that I started about the guy who saved all of the Yiddish books and opened the book center in Massachusetts. I would love to shake his hand or hug him. He’s one of my heroes. Yet another thing that makes me super emotional…. saving books, saving Yiddish books, saving the history for our future and made something very beautiful to carry on. My heart explodes!

These are just some of the stories I’ve been reading, and while reading, trying to figure out my placement in this Jewish life. Where can I be most helpful? What can I do to help? There’s so many signs everywhere that I’m seeing “stories, stories, stories” – everyone has a story – stories need to be shared to continue to the future and etc. That’s where it lies, but how can I make that happen? Tikkun olam.

Something that’s been greatly on my mind lately is the history of my own family. I never really cared until I started my journey. I lost my last grandparent at age 16, I lost my great aunt who was 101 a few years ago and then last year in 2018, I lost my last blood-related aunt who had great tie-ins with G-d, and daughter of my best grandma. I have absolutely no one in my family to talk to about what they witnessed from the Holocaust or learning about the past from years ago. Everyone is gone. Everyone’s been basically gone for more than half of my age now. I will never be able to talk to them about my journey or what happened or will happen. I’m really sad by that fact. My mom has my grandma’s diaries and about 100ish poems of hers, when I go home, I’m going to go through them and see if I can find any hints of light in those letters or words of hers. I need to inspect her sunset picture that she painted–to see if I can find answers in the colors.

I have letters to write tonight and hand deliver tomorrow before I leave.

This is enough writing for today. I’m all written out even though after I set this to publish I’m going to have five thousand more things to say. Until… a next time… there’s tacos for me to find, since it’s Taco Tuesday.

Love Always,
Karen Maeby

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